Ethiopian Adoption

Saturday and Sunday part 2 of my trip blog

Sun, 18 Apr 2010 11:32:16 -1000

I have been meaning to continue this blog series... but life has happened. Shawn has had some medical problems, which has really set our family back a bit. I need to get this written out now, though, because if I wait much longer, my memories will fade even more.
As we drive to the guest house, Kristan and I were taken aback. We were prepared for many things... but I don’t know if any amount of reading will ever prepare our spoiled selves for the daily realities in Ethiopia. In the short drive (maybe 15 minutes?) to the guest house, we experienced so many assaults to our senses.
The smell was something I was not prepared for. It was a mix of many different things: diesel fuel/fumes, exotic spices, animals, stale air, dirt.
The sights were another thing to take in: boys & young men herding goats through the streets, stick scaffolding along buildings under construction, women and men in traditional dress, women and men in quite modern dress, food stands/stores, storefronts that featured baby items (things that would never be allowed here in the US because of insufficient safety), the vehicles everywhere, shoe shine stands alongside the dirt roads, beautiful flowers in people’s yards, unmown city parks (ok, the goats and other animals were grooming the grass), people walking in the streets, the walls of compounds with glass on the tops - or barbed wire - or electric wire.
The sounds included: short quick beeps from the vehicles (not loud long angry beeps, just ‘beep’ I’m here beeps), animals, people laughing, the chanting being broadcast from the local Ethiopian Orthodox Christian churches (this lasted ALL NIGHT Sat-Sun - and then every morning and evening), music.
The tastes were so different from in the US. There are no artificial flavors - everything is PURE food. Even the coke and orange sodas... sweetened with REAL sugar. Breakfasts included fresh eggs with chopped peppers and freshly made bread. Our hostess served a plate with different jams, real fresh peanut butter (not oily or gritty, the best peanut butter ever), and even Ethiopian honey (mmmm). Coffee was freshly roasted and brewed. Served with real cane sugar - not the white stuff we call sugar - this is a caramel color and so so good. Lunches and dinners included assortments of fresh veggies: zucchini, green beans, carrots, cabbage, lentils, potatoes, etc. Spices are added - and it’s all eaten with injera, sourdough teff-flour spongy flat bread.
So Saturday we just took it all in. Kristan and I were a little bit... I don’t know how to say it. We weren’t scared, per se. But we were not sure what to think. We weren’t sure about the culture, how we would be perceived. After we got settled in at the guest house (Tsebay is absolutely wonderful, and I will defintiely stay there again if/when I go back), Kristan said she wanted to go out shopping that afternoon... or else she was afraid she wouldn’t ever leave the guest house all week. I talked her into just taking a rest - and having an easy afternoon. We were in severe culture shock. severe.
We both went up to our rooms and laid down. It was chilly - not what I was expecting. The wind was blowing and we had a breeze. I laid on top of the covers and shivered while I napped. A nap/rest was just what we needed after the insanely long flights. The electricity was not working, and we later found out that the staff at the guest house was carrying water in, because something was wrong with the water lines.
Saturday evening Tsebay prepared dinner for us - a traditional Ethiopian dinner. WOW. AMAZING food.
We met another family at the guest house: Mark and Jill, also from Seattle. They were with another agency, Bethany. They had picked up their son, Emmanuel the day before. He was a little younger than Chaltu... and it was wonderful to get to know them, and see how Emmanuel blossomed over his first few days.
Saturday night the chanting started - and continued all night and through Sunday. It was broadcast so that everyone in the city could hear it (different churches broadcast all over the city). The music was beautiful - I laid there trying to remember which modes were which, and which mode these beautiful chants were! If you didn’t know, I have a degree in music... and so that is where my inner music geek came out. ;)
Sunday morning Kristan and I went shopping. Tsebay arranged for a driver to take us to the ‘post office’ area. It was a row of small shops. They sold almost everything. I was able ot purchase scarves, handcarved wooden animals, hand carved wooden bowls, metal coptic crosses, Ethiopian bracelets, stone necklaces, hand carved bird mobiles and a few baskets. Beautiful items that I plan to keep around our house.
The rest of Sunday we spent visiting with Mark and Jill.
At this point, Kristan and I were both still quite culture shocked. Both of us felt like we needed to just get done what we needed to do this week... and get home. It was a lot to take in.
I was determined to really experience each moment of the week, and to allow myself to FEEL. I was NOT going to worry about home. My main focus was to really experience as much of Ethiopia as I could. Even though it was hard... it was hard emotionally to reconcile that so many people live with so little while in the US we get upset about such ‘little’ things. Already, after only a day and a half of being in Ethiopia, I was really questioning so much of my own life back home. We want and feel like we need so much, and are rarely truly happy.
I was also anxious to meet my daughter. I knew she was in the same city. I knew she was not far from me. I was ready to meet her... ready to really become her mother. However, I was also prepared for her to NOT want me. I was prepared for her to cry when she was handed to me. I was prepared for grieving. I was prepared for the hard part of mothering a toddler who had never known what a mother was, what a mother did, and why a mother was so so important. I was glad I had 2 days in the country before meeting her, because once I met her, I knew my focus needed to totally be on HER - not on noticing the people wearing nice, fashionable clothing carrying water containers walking through the streets (ie: it wasn’t just the destitute... it was life, getting water was life). Once Chaltu was placed in my arms on Monday morning, I knew my focus would be turned towards her... and towards how to make our relationship strong and secure.
I didn’t sleep well Sunday night... I was so anxious to meet my daughter the following morning.

The Road to Ethiopia

Sun, 28 Mar 2010 18:27:18 -1000

Almost midnight on March 10 (Wednesday), I left Honolulu for San Francisco. This was the first leg of my incredibly long journey - literally half way around the world - to Ethiopia to meet my new daughter. She had already been my daughter for 8 days, but I had never seen her in person yet.
My flight arrived in San Francisco after about 4 hours of flying - it was just after 7am local time in San Francisco. I turned on my phone so that I could get a message to/from Kristan, who would be meeting me here and then making the rest of the trip with me. She would be my adoption doula. However, Kristan’s flight was delayed by 5 hours! After some sleuthing around, I found out that Kris was able to get on another flight, so she didn’t have to wait around.
I haven’t seen Kris for almost 2 years, but still... seeing Kris is like seeing my sister. She and I just have a soul connection and we know each other’s hearts. We don’t need words... but words we have! We spent the hours waiting for our flight to Dubai catching up - talking about everything and nothing.
Around 3pm we were boarding our flight to Dubai. It would be a 16 hour flight. And we got Economy Class seats. We knew it would be a long flight, but we were ready to go, to get on with our mission. We flew Emirates Air from San Francisco to Dubai without incident... well... other than the two of us crazy American women laughing and giggling.
At one point, I took the middle seat, and Kristan took the window. There was a gentleman on the aisle seat who did not speak English - and I think he really wasn’t sure what to think of Kristan and me. Anyway, I am now banned form sitting in the middle seat - and here’s why. I fell asleep. The gentleman fell asleep. He coughed. In my dream-like state, I thought his cough was Lauren’s “I’m going to puke right NOW” cough, and I startled awake cupping my hands under his face - and then pushing the flight attendant light and searching for a bag. lol Yeah. I know. Nice.
We arrived in Dubai and were very very tired and confused. We weren’t sure where to go, or what to do. Eventually we got to the right way out, and we got to our hotel. I exchanged $20 for some Dubai money so that I could give the bell hop a tip. We went into our room - it had 2 double beds, nicely made and REALLY comfortable. We got up, went to breakfast in the restaurant, and then headed back to the airport for our last leg.
One of the things I really enjoyed about Emirates Air was the room and meals. If you have an 8 hour + layover, they will put you up in one of their hotels and even give you a meal voucher. Nice.
Saturday, March 13, we boarded our last flight from Dubai to Addis Ababa. It was a short/easy flight after the 16 hour flight the day before.
As we came into Addis for landing, there was no city skyline to see. We could make out the compounds, which were familys’ homes. We could see the brown of the dirt, and the little bit of green. As we touched down, we realized we were in a completely different world - so much different than anything we knew. The grass along the runway was way overgrown, not nicely manicured. The runway itself seems rough. Along the sides of the runway, in the weeds, were soldiers - armed with machine guns, spaced every 20-30 yards. We saw a man walking along the runway.
Inside the airport, it was so far removed from our 21st century surroundings. The walls were all cement. We commented that we had seen nicer insides of parking garages in downtown Seattle. The air was warm, and there was a much different smell in the air. It was a little hard to breathe.
We got through security/immigration, and then we exchanged some money. The gentleman behind the counter was very no nonsense - and we were having a hard time figuring out how much money was what. I exchanged $600 US for Ethiopian Birr.The exchange rate was 13.3 birr per US$. So each birr was worth about 7.3 cents. Ten birr was about $.73. One hundred birr was about $7.30 US.
Kristan and I found our bags THEY MADE IT!!!! We loaded them onto the carts (those of you who are traveling, GET A CART!!! we didn’t in Dubai and really wished we had) and headed through the last bit of security before entering Ethiopia.
Security was a very old looking, run down xray machine with a conveyer belt that we weren’t sure would work. Our bags were put through, and we loaded them back up onto our cart on the other side of security.
Krsitan and I pushed our luggage loaded carts out to where our driver was waiting for us. Abenezer was a good looking young man holding “Ethio Comfort Guest House” sign. We walked over to him, introduced ourselves and he immediately took my cart. Kristan was soon literally PUSHED out of the way by a man wanting to help her to the van with her stuff. She and I exchanged glances, not sure what to do, and just decided to let him push it - and she’d tip him when we got to the van.
However, because we didn’t know the $$ yet, Kristan tried to give him a $1 Birr... basically 7 cents. He shoved it back at her and shook his head no, holding out his hand for more. Neither of us was sure what to do, but Kristan reached in her money stash and pulled out a couple of $10birrs ($.70 each) and gave them to him. We really hadn’t figured out the exchange value yet.
We were officially IN ETHIOPIA. My daughter was somewhere in this city. Somewhere, maybe we had flown right over her. Maybe we were only a couple of miles away. I was anxious, but also wanted to get rested and do some shopping before meeting my daughter. I knew that the real hard work would be after I collected Chaltu on Monday morning. That was still a day and a half away - and I wanted to get comfortable before taking on that new role - Mom to an adopted toddler.
I’m going to continue this series tomorrow... the happenings of Saturday and Sunday in Ethiopia. Then I will continue throughout the week... hoping to do a blog post a day. But... I am now the mom of an adopted toddler who is adjusting to her new family - so while I will try to get my thoughts down in a timely manner - realize that time is a bit more scarce than it used to be. :)
I felt pretty prepared - I had read another adoptive mother’s very frank travel journal which REALLY prepared me. I also read a book called Weaver’s Craft: Toddler Adoption which helped me in other ways. NOTHING could have prepared me for so much of the week - so much of what was experienced and seen and heard and smelled.

Video of Chaltu when she was 8 months old.

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:08:55 -1000

This is the video of Chaltu we received last summer. It was taken in April, 2009 - she was 8 months old at the time. Taken in Adama (Nazaret), Ethiopia at Joseph’s Children’s Home, the orphanage where Chaltu lived from her earliest days until being adopted at 18 months old.
In the video is Joy Casey, the director of YWAM’s Ethiopian adoption program. She has been my lifeline through this whole process. The gentleman in the video is Abebe, our representative in Ethiopia.
They were trying to get her birth certificate picture, and they wanted one of her not smiling... she didn’t cooperate. She definitely has spunk!

HUGE update!

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:59:38 -1000

January 15th came and we didn’t pass court - again. I was devestated. The judge told us that we needed ‘more’. So - again - the people in Ethiopia went to work, and got ‘more’. A third court date was set for February 2. I was sure we would not pass. I was seriously in a funk - and it was very hard to even get through the day. We were on hold, yet again, and it felt like there wasn’t going to be an end to this whole process. But the morning of February 2, we were thrilled to hear that Chaltu is now ours! She is OURS!!!!!!
So - then we wait for travel plans. Our travel date is planned from an appointment made at the US embassy for her Visa. So... we wait... and wait. We knew it would either be March 16 or March 30. The embassy used to allow the agencies schedule the embassy dates - however, shortly after we passed court, the embassy decided that they will now schedule each individual family’s appointment. So, this week - we were notified that we are scheduled for the 16th - less than 3 weeks away!
I ended up using an adoption travel agent (Heidi Smart at Susan Parr Travel) to book our flights. My friend, Kristan, will be flying from Seattle. We’ll be meeting in San Francisco on March 11. From there, we will take a 16 hour plane ride to Dubai where we will have an 8 hour layover. Emirates will give us meal vouchers and a room for the night! The following morning, we will leave Dubai and take the last 4 hour leg of our journey to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
We found out that another YWAM family is also traveling that week - so we decided to stay at the same guest house as the other family. I got 2 rooms @ $30/night each room! We’re staying at EthioComfort Guest House. Joy at YWAM recommended it, and she said that it’s relatively close to the Thomas Center, CHI’s agency-run transitional orphanage. Chaltu was moved there the week after we passed court.
We will be leaving Addis on Friday evening, March 19, and arriving home on Saturday night, March 20. We have a 5 hour layover in San Francisco on the way home, and a long-time friend of mine may meet us there for dinner at the airport. :)
I’m adding an album of pictures of just Chaltu/Gabra to my family photos section of the website. Check them out... she’s a REAL CUTIE!!!!

This is what I know

Sat, 2 Jan 2010 13:00:10 -1000

Yesterday was our court date in Ethiopia. I was prepared for a few things to happen. I was prepared for Chaltu’s case to be approved and her to legally/officially be a Mitchell. I spent New Year’s Eve making sure the picture albums of her pictures were ready to be published as soon as we heard good news. I was also prepared to have a delay because the courts just didn’t hear cases. Earlier in the week some court cases from our agency were not heard because the judges were in meetings - so they rescheduled those cases. I was also prepared to have a delay if MoWA (Ministry of Women’s Affairs) didn’t have their paperwork in order. I was prepared for all of the outcomes... or so I thought.
None of that happened.
Instead, the judge heard Chaltu’s case. And decided that the kebele’s abandonment paperwork was not sufficient. The judge decided that the only way Chaltu could really be declared abandoned and then be adopted would be for the orphanage to continue to look for her birth mother for another year. Look for another year, then they would re-evaluate.
Done. Over. Case closed.
But Abdissa, our wonderful representative in Ethiopia, appealed to the judge. He told her that they had tracked her to another country, but lost her trail. They had talked to relatives, and no one knows where she is. Our representatives had been prepared to fly her back to Addis Ababa for the hearing... but they couldn’t find her. When they couldn’t find her - they followed the rules for declaring Chaltu abandoned. Paperwork was completed by the local police, declaring her abandoned. The judge listened, and decided to hear the case again in two weeks, Jan 15. But... we have to provide a relative who will verify that Chaltu’s birth mother cannot be located.
We don’t know if this can happen. We just don’t know if anyone will be able to locate a relative who would be able or willing to testify to the fact that Chaltu’s birth mother cannot be located.
In all honesty, I am not hopeful any longer.
I am saddened by the fact that this little girl will be raised in an orphanage, when she could have had a family. She DOES have a family.
I am angry that this happens - angry that the system has had to resort to waiting 1-2 years of looking for the person who relinquished the child... because agencies in the past have abused the system.
I am hurt. Deeply. Chaltu has been the child I have been carrying in my heart for over 10 months. I feel a deep heartfelt loss, a place that will never be able to be filled completely. She is my child... she is half way around the world... she will never know me... and I will never know her more than the stories I have heard thus far.
I know we have one last chance... but truly I am not optimistic about it. Those of you who really know me KNOW that I can usually see the good. One last chance on the 15th to prove to the courts that her birth mother is gone. She has moved on with her life. I can’t blame her for that... for moving on.
Our family will be ok. We will eventually get another referral. We will love that child with all the love we have. We will move on. But there will forever be a part of Chaltu with us.